Leave Me Alone

If it wasn't for the sex, I would rather just be alone. I thought I had found someone that i could build a relationship with but she is still whacked out. No matter how much work I do on myself the women I want are never happy with who I am. When i was a using drug addict they all told me it was the drugs in the way. Now they come up with something else. It isn;'t as if they just leave either. Often the women stick around and make sure I know what is wrong with me. Hmmmmm, I did not know I was so fucked up. Do they really think I do not know that I have problems?

Dax's Assets: laughs alot, nice, generous, likes to buy shoes and clothes for girlfriends, cuddles, thick penis, loves oral sex, works out, no drink or drugs, house, motorcycle, prays, wants to get married, faithful, committed, full head of hair, showers regularly, good relationship with father, lots of friends, job, finishing college, truck, savings, wnats to grow, loves sex, loves women, honest, volunteers with teenagers, strong faith in higher power, takes the right medication to help my psych stuff, takes care of self, good realtionship with sister/bro-n-law/niece, listens and cares about others, I like myself,I am often happy, optimistic, I am not insane anymore.

Dax's Defects: Obsessive compulsive, likes really weird sex, recovering drug addict, manic depressive, often late, mother is crazy, self depricating, negative sometimes, sarcastic, low self esteem sometimes.....basically a work in progress.

For the first time in my life the good outweighs the bad. If the women do not see this then fuck em.

the Wait

time to wait for the one.
Is she?
I really dig her.
Too fast
too much
how can I tell?
the first time was easier up in the clouds
but it meant less
God gave me what I asked for and now I know what to do with it
Treat her with love and respect.
her name is Julie.
Cool name...
Cool chic.
Falling hard for her
the Wait

Never ever one

I am not one to mince words so here it is, FUCK IT. Ya that's right everything. I mean I am so tired of petty bullshit. I cannot get a response or even a good nite with one cool woman. I mean they are all crazy. I like crazy but I mean really insane. Where have all the cowgirls gone?

Death becomes me

I really want to do it. I mean put the fucking gun in my mouth and pull the trigger. First, I would put plastic up around me and underneath me because I do not want my family to have to clean it up. Watching some of those reality shows you can see how traumatized people get when someone shoots themselves. If they are truly Christian, they should be happy for them because now they are out of pain and in a better place, but supposedly if you adhere to strict dogma, the suicider or one who killed thyself, would be sent to purgatory or hell. Fuck it, this is too much trouble. Now, I have to worry about where I am going when I already hate where I am. It's like the train leaves the station and I end up going to the right side of town where I never have enough or do enough to feel equal or fit in. I mean I would like to at least like me. In reality, I do like myself more than ever before but that is not saying a whole lot.

Fuck it, I forgot to buy Bullets!!!!!!!(1)


(1) No one is liable for my death but me.

Eyes

Never has it been so clear
That all my thoughts of you
became the reason I could not see through
Never has it been so clear
You were never really there
It all was a game played in my dream
Never has it been so clear
My heart was full of holes from the fucking shotgun you blasted into it when you fucked your new husband while we were still married.
You fucking bitch.

Now I can forgive you.
It was my fault.
It is all my fault.
Everything.
Everywhere.
All the time.
Lost Dogs, Missing Children, Poverty, Famine, the Middle East Crisis, Yada-Yada.....yada.