Mister Self-Destruct

Mister Self-Destruct (or How God made it easy on me...)
Liar, cheat, thief, asshole every downgrade you an imagine I have already run through in my mind while most I have called myself aloud. I always believed it was better to insult yourself first before anyone else got the chance I think this goes back to junior high or the shock & awe era. I fucking hated junior high it was shit. For instance I was standing at my locker in eighth grade with my pen in my hand the next thing I knew the pen was up my nose and blood was coming out, as I ran to the office I could already hear the ridicule. Why was a ballpoint pen in your nose...What were you doing with it there..How could that of happened ? Well leave it to me if an awkward never before traumatizing event needed to happen then I apparently was your dumbass. See again with the name calling. Apparently my locker mate backed in to me and it just so has it that the pen was positioned with the point up so it could slide right into my nose ripping open the thin membrane that separates the nose and the blood that flows through it . Unbeknown to me later on in life this membrane and the structure of the nose would play a key part in my destruction of my whole being. See it was one instance after another that drove me to seek some obsessive activity to divert my attention away from daily life. What was I being punished for? What could I of possibly done to deserve such stupidity in how to interact within the normal social structure of life? I imagined that I had done some great wrong in my past even a former life. Maybe I was Judas. Why?