Water Off the Sink

Water Off the sink
Turn on the faucet. Make it a little bit cold a little bit hot. I have the old type of faucets with separate handles for each. Finding the right temp takes a few as the hot water takes longer to get to the sink. The water flies out of the sink onto the edge of the sink and even sprays me. I turn it back down finding that the hot is usually the one I turned up too much. Decreased pressure means it will take longer for me to wash my hands and face and the back of my neck, sometimes I even wash my arms up to my biceps.
For most people this little act of normal hygiene and self cleansing becomes a necessary tool in everyday existence but for me it is a ritual based in phobias and A torment of uncivilized behaviors that are slowly driving me nutty. I mean real over the edge.
The water splashes all over. I put my hands in and the water runs down my forearms to get my shirt wet or t drips off my arms onto the floor. I try to use less water but then the soap does not come off fast enough. I feel I am wasting my life through a meaningless task.

No one ever taught me how to do this. Is this a learned behavior or does everyone just know how to do this. It should be so simple. A simple hand wash. The water goes all over the sink my shirt the floor and the faucet. Why can’t I do this without making a disaster area. What does it take to be normal. I can’t do it. I try. Fuck . This little bit pf torment drives me to suicidal thoughts. What if I live wiht the woman of my dreams and I continue to make this mess forever?